Matthias Schweighofer: Dick and butt shots of the German superstar in depressing-sounding movies

 Matthias Schweighöfer is best  known in the U.S. as Werner Heisenberg in Oppenheimer (2023), but he has 82 acting credits listed on the IMDB, in both English and German.  No gay roles that I can find, but some buddy-bonding, and quite a lot of frontal nudity.

He strips down to have sex with girls in Friends of Friends (2002) and Baal (2004).

As a high rocker in Eight Miles High (2007).

As German folk hero Klaus Stortebecker in 12 Paces without a Head (that's how far he could walk after being decapitated)

Lots of Matthias butt after the break

Tony's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 2: A leather jockstrap, an isolation tank, the sausage god, and honeymoon with the hubby

 

This is a collection of hot or humorous photos of Tony Cavalero.  I've already posted all of the dick and butt shots available, but not to worry, there are some dicks and butts of other guys.

1. The Devil is a top. 

2. "What am I selling, again?"

3. "We want to try the fire dance without the leather jock strap."

4. "Fine.  Just let me get my headdress and ribbons."

5. Tony played in an episode of Life in Pieces, a comedy about a nuclear family with three adult children, all heterosexual. Thomas Sandowski played the middle child.

6. When you can't take a cold plunge after your shower, roll around in the snow instead.

More Tony after the break

Adam Devine's House Party, Episode 3.1: Adam marries a dude. No, it's not Tony Cavalero. With nude Hawaiian dudes.

I'm not a big fan of Adam Devine's House Party, the Comedy Central series spotlighting up-and-coming stand-up comedians.  The two episodes I've reviewed were heterosexist, promoting "all boys like girls and all girls like boys" rhetoric. It's like crashing a party where you weren't invited, so everyone pretends that you're invisible. Plus Adam's persona is authoritarian, self-aggrandizing, and unpleasant.  But he takes his shirt off.

One more try: in Season 3, the party moves to Hawaii, where there's bound to be some muscle guys in Speedos.  In Episode 3.1, Adam marries a dude! No way they can do that without mentioning LGBT people. 

Scene 1: Adam announces that for tonight's episode, he is taking over a resort in Hawaii.  Mary the Hotel Manager says no, he can't, because the space is reserved for a wedding. He'll have to do it tomorrow.  Adam claims that he's the one who reserved the space: he'll be getting married on the show tonight.  Ok, but he'd better get married, or she'll unplug the show on the spot. 

Intro: Beach babe, Adam kissing a girl, accidentally pouring ketchup on his pants. running out of the surf, a disgusting closeup of a girl's bare butt.  Guest comedians: Chris Garcia, Jacob Williams, Megan Gailey

Scene 2: Afternoon.  Darn, everyone is fully clothed except for a big-boobed girl at the drink stand.  Adam reveals to the comedians that he has to get married tonight.  Chris is married already, so it's down to Jacob and Megan.   

The two go off by themselves to discuss it: Jacob is heterosexual, so he's not attracted to guys in general, and Megan is heterosexual but not attracted to Adam at all.  But he's rich, so being his partner might be fun. They call him back: "One of us will marry you.  But you're gonna have to woo us." They act like this will be a forever marriage.  Why not just have a pretend wedding? 

Scene 3: Chris Garcia riffs on how boring soccer is, Hispanic-American culture, and comics who make fun of how their parents talk.  

Scene 4: Jacob is excited about the wedding, and the honeymoon: he has booked them the bridal suite at the hotel.  Hey, when the comedians say "you'll have to woo us," there have to be unny bits where Adam tries to woo them. Ever hear of Chekhov's Gun?

 Adam reveals that he's decided on Megan because she's a girl, and, you know, he is into girls.  

Wait -- Manager Mary is watching, so Jacob and Adam have to act like they're in love. They should kiss.

Adam recoils in disgust at the idea of kissing another dude. He's always hugging guys, pressing foreheads, grabbing butts, even on this show. Here he has a group massage with Jak Knight and Brandon Wardell.  But kissing is another matter entirely.  I would never kiss a girl, no matter what the script said.

Jacob suggests that they move their faces together as if they are kissing, and grab butts.  Mary is satisfied; "They're boyfriends."

Scene 5: Jacob riffs on having sex with his girlfriend, and finishing too soon. I fast-forwarded. 

Scene 6: Manager Mary wants to know where Adam's fiance is.  He shoves Jacob out of the way and explains that they are ex-boyfriends. It's hard to get over him -- "I love cock!"  -- but Adam is with Megan now. She won't kiss him, but Manager Mary is satisfied.

Scene 7: Megan riffs on being attracted to men in boat shoes and the problem of doing female-centered humor.

Scene 8: Blake is performing the Adam-Megan wedding.  When he asks if anyone objects, Jacob comes forward: "We're both heterosexual men, but I need money."  

Adam objects that if he marries Megan, he'll get to have sex. But she is disgusted by the idea, and backs out.  

So it's Jacob.  Blake: "It's freakin' sick (good), Dude.  Love rules. I now pronounce you man and another man, they're both men, men together." 

Jacob and Adam shake hands and walk into the crowd, Adam grimacing in disgust.  At that moment, the real couple arrives.  Manager Mary says "I knew something was up," and pulls the plug.  The end.

Beefcake: Only in the opening shots.

Gay Characters: Never.

My Grade:  This episode, which aired in March 2016, is apparently a riff on same-sex marriage, which was legalized in Hawaii in October 2013, and everywhere in the U.S. in June 2015. Everyone is completely nonchalant about it, which is a plus, but how about having some real gay people at your party, Adam?  And lay off the graphic display of bikini babe butts. C.

Nude Hawaiian dudes after the break

"Justified": Episode 1.1: Kentucky cowboy has a gay-subtext romance with an unhinged thug. Lots of thug dick

I was recommended Justified: City Primeval (2023). a "neo-Western crime drama" that shoves countrified U.S. Marshall Raylan (Timothy Olyphant) into Detroit.  But I haven't seen the original Justified (2010-2015), with Raylan as a marshall in Harlan County, Kentucky.  

I don't usually do crime dramas; I like my entertainment light, comedies or science fiction.  Besides, they hardly ever include gay characters.  But my mother was born in Magoffin County, about 100 miles north of Harlan, and I've visited several times, so maybe the original Justified will be good for nostalgia. 

Scene 1: A rooftop-pool party full of guys cruising bikini babes.  Rylan gave Thomas Buckley, who is an old friend (they ate crab cakes in Managua) until 2:15 to leave the state (Florida does have banishment as a judicial sentence, but I don't think Rylan is a judge).  Big Bad refuses to go, so Rylan shoots him. 

Scene 2: As the coroner takes away the body, Rylan's boss wonders about the legality of shooting Thomas Buckely.  "I gave him a chance to leave.  He didn't take it." Rylan has been shooting a lot of guys, but this one was rich and white, so there's going to be scrutiny.

Cut to a Department of Justice Inquest. "Is it true that you shot a rich white man?"  Rylan, who is now named Dan, shrugs. "He drew his gun on me. Self-defense.  Besides, he deserved to die.  He was evil."

Dan's punishment: Being re-assigned to the wilderness of Eastern Kentucky. "But I'm from there!  I finally escaped!  Please, anything but that!"  Dude, why the cowboy hat?  Kentucky is Appalachia,  You want Montana, 150 years ago.

Scene 3: Dan, who is now named Raylan, arrives in Lexington, a big city with glitz and culture rivaling that of...um, Dayton.  But all we see is the inside of the police station.. The Chief, who is an old friend, has Western movie posters all over his office.   He notes that the Love of Raylan's Life also works here.  So this guy is old friends with everybody?  

Raylan is assigned the case of Boyd Crowther, an old friend who has turned evil.  They're trying to get enough evidence to arrest him -- but no shooting! It's a small town.  People talk."

Scene 4: Boyd Crother (Walton Goggins) and his Boyfriend (Ryan O'Nan, left) discuss a Date Night activity. Boyfriend wants to blow a federal building under construction. Boyd dismisses it as unfeasible.  Instead he blows up a church in a black neighborhood -- without even checking to see if it is empty. Boyfriend protests.

Cut to Raylan explainng Boyd's back story to the Chief. Wait -- he's been working on the case for years. Shouldn't he know everything already?  Back when they were coal miners, Boyd was an explosives expert.  He would yell "Fire in the hole!" to warn them of an explosion coming.  Then he got involved with the white supremacy movement.  

Scene 5: Back to Date Night.  The guys are parked on a narrow country bridge (weird pkace to make out). Boyd wonders if Boyfriend chose a federal building because it would rile the feds enough to arrest him.  And why did he protest blowing up the black church. "I don't see any white supremacy tattoos. Are you even a racist?".  Boyfriend tells him to call his buds in Oklahoma to verify his racism.  His goons are calling Boyfriend's references, but Boyd is tired of waiting and shoots him.  I hate it when Date Night ends like that.

When Boyd calls headquarters (a trailer full of redneck dudes), they say that the references checked out; Boyfriend is a big racist.  "So, how was Date Night?" "Um...er...um...we broke up."   "Was it because he wasn't racist enough, or was his dick too big?"  "Um...er...a little of both."

Scene 6: Raylan wakes up (chest shot) and goes to court to gaze at the typing hands of the Love of His Life, working as a court reporter. She pauses to touch her hair.  Whoa, that's one of his fetishes!  But before he can orgasm, he's called to investigate Boyfriend's body. The police have already found a cap that goes to the rocket launcher used to blow up the black church!  

Cut to the site of the bombed church. A lady pulls her man out of the way of the police.  75% of black parents instruct their kids on how to avoid being killed by the police when they're stopped for "driving while black."  

Detective Gutterson (Jacob Pitts, left) has already interviewed the eyewitnesses: they said that it was two white guys.  One of them yelled "fire in the hole"  Uh-oh, it was Boyd!

By the way, the church run by the Ethiopian/Jamaican Fandi (Doug E. Doug).  He uses marijuana as a sacrament (so he's Rastafarian?  Why not just say so?).  

The cops complain about how evil he is, but Raylan wants to interview him, so he mentions that he saw reggae singer Peter Tosh once -- the girl he was chasing liked him.  Why do men who want to bond with you always mention girls? Don't they realize that gay men exist?  But I guess in this universe they don't.

Scene 7:  At the supremacist compound, a goon bursts in to tell Boyd that his brother has been killed!  His wife got tired of his abuse and shot him. Uh-oh, now Boyd will be gunning for her..  

Cut to the police station, with Raylan hearing about the murder.  The Widow is an old friend, of course, so he drives out to talk to her -- and smooch.  She explains that she's wanted to have sex with him since she was 12 years old, and now that she finally managed to kill her husband, she's free! Isn't she going on trial for murder? 

Great, but first he asks about her dead husband. They married right out of high school. As soon as he realized that he was never going to escape Harlan, Kentucky, he started to beat her.  So in crime dramas, small towns are horrible places to escape from, and in romcoms, they're wondrous places to escape to.  I'm getting mixed signals here.

More mixed signals after the break

Gemstones Season 3 Episode 7-9 Memes: The bare-butt massage, plowing, posting, and what kissing is for

 

The proper terms are partner, boyfriend, and snuggle-bunny

Throw in your penis, and we have a deal.

What body parts do you mean, Keefe?

How about giving Tony's dick a chance?

What do you post on Instagram when you screw?

More after the break

Gavin's Cute/Cool Photos Part 1: Gavin with his dog, his boat, Skyler Gisondo, Robert Oberst, and his Dad

 

This is a collection cute/cool photos of Gavin Munn, who plays Jonathan on Raising Dion and Abraham on The Righteous Gemstones, his dad Johnny, and a few friends.

1. A boy and his dog.

2. With TV brother Skyler Gisondo

3. Jungle-print cabana,  That's Gavin's hunky Dad, Johnny Munn. 

4. A boy and his boat

5. A dad and his fish

6.With his older brother.

More Gavin after the break

The Theater of Dicks: Nick Rutherford and Beck Bennett envision the terror of the penis

 

The Theater of Dicks, on Instagram, consists of 107 photographs with absurdly huge penises painted in.  The authors, Nick Rutherford and Beck Bennett, explain: "We're just two loveless assholes chasing a dream, who have kinda gotten misguided and found themselves making an instagram full of dicks."

You might recognize Nick Rutherford from Saturday Night Live, Dream Corps LLC, and Adam Devine's House Party.

Beck Bennett has been his comedy partner since college.  They have worked together on a number of projects, including the short film "Is My Roommate Gay?" (he denies it), and Saturday Night Live.   Here we see him nude in Beside Still Waters (2013).

They are both married to women, but Nick's social media is loaded down with images suggesting that he is attracted to men.  Maybe as a joke.

Some of the dicks in The Theater of Dicks are merely absurdly exaggerated version of their own erect cocks.

More after the break