I heard that J. Gaven Wilde
wrote, directed, and stars in a movie about a cannibal stalking South Carolina. It might be interesting to see the work of a young screenwriter, so I looked it up:
(2020) on Amazon Prime. Or so I thought....
Scene 1: A scary brutalist office building. Bad boss Steve (Chad Ayers) calls his wife with an scheme to get out of their financial problems: fire Marc and steal his bonus! We don't see Marc's face or hear his voice as Steve tells him that a woman filed a sexual harassment complaint against him, so he's fired. Wait -- wouldn't Marc contact human resources, which would want to interview the woman, and Steve's story would fall apart instantly?
As Marc storms out, Steve chortles with glee over his villainy.
Scene 2: One year later, Thursday. Steve's wife Wendy drives up to their elegant Tudor house and finds a vase of flowers on the front porch: "To my love, see you soon!" Steve comes in, and she demonstrates her latest self-defense move. This will be important later.
Steve wants to know who brought the flowers. "But...I thought you...no, no, no!" Wendy calls the police to report some guy who's been leaving notes on her car and sending her flowers. But he never threatens her, so there's nothing they can do.
She sees a flashlight outside, grabs a gun, and rushes out to shoot and kill -- the meter reader! The Stalker calls: "Did you think it would be that easy? Our fun has just begun!" He examines a photograph of the family.
Scene 3: These are bad dudes, not the least remorseful over killing an innocent man. They simply load the body into the trunk to dispose of. Whoops, their teenage sons, Hayden (Jimmy Ace Lewis, left) and Josh (J. Gaven Wilde, below), want to know what's going on!
"We're going to the lake house. Load up the luggage, but not in the trunk!"
Scene 4: The Stalker breaks into a house where a scruffy guy (Leon Lewis) has fallen asleep in front of the tv, and smothers him to death. I guess so he'll be close to Steve and Wendy's lake house. Definitely not the guy who was fired in Scene 1. He'd be going after Steve, not harassment-flirting with Wendy.
Not-fun fact: If you search for "Leon Lewis" on Google, you get a thousand pictures of a half-naked woman. Who knew that Leon was a girl's name.
Meanwhile, Steve and Wendy arrive at the lake house, send the kids inside, and go off to bury the hapless meter reader in the woods.
Scene 5: Friday. An interminable shot of the lake and a mailbox. Wendy cooks breakfast: scrambled eggs and nothing else. Ugh! You get a better free breakfast at Holiday Inn. The boys want to know what they are doing at the lake house. "Having fun. Shut up." But Hayden is missing a big party, and Josh is missing a big soccer game. "Tough. You're not going."
Scene 6: An interminable aerial shot of the town. Pizza Perv (Troy Fromin, who is apparently heterosexual) leaps out of his car, licks his hair, and holds the door of the Donut King open for Wendy. He trots in after her, smells her hair, and photographs her butt. Instead of punching him, Wendy promises to order from his pizza place for dinner. She gets a call from the cable guy, and gives him her address loud enough for Pizza Perv to write it down.
Not a suspect -- the stalker already knows where she lives, and besides, he's as dumb as a fence post. Why steal her address when she'll give it to him when she orders the pizza?She orders two dozen donuts -- six each!
Scene 7: Josh, the younger son, goes next door to invite Mr. Walker (the dead guy) to dinner. The Stalker left him there instead of disposing of the body. He even left the tv on. No answer, so Josh leaves, and the Stalker peers out from behind the blinds. Darn, I thought he would attack Josh.
Meanwhile, Cable Perv (Jared M. Reeder) knocks on the door, looking for Wendy. Steve is suspicious, but he explains that he is the cable guy.
Still creepy, though: he congratulates Steve on landing such a "nice lady," fondles her photograph, and asks "So you and the boy are gone all day, leaving the beautiful lady alone, snark snark."
Is every guy in town absurdly over-creepy? How do they keep their jobs?Scene 8: Josh, the younger son, is canoeing by himself. Always take a buddy, dude. Uh-oh, a perv is watching him. He runs home, terrified. His parents dismiss his concerns: "It was just a deer." Wait, you know you're being stalked, but you don't believe that your kid is being watched? I'm getting more annoyed with these people than I was at the murder.
Scene 9: Wendy actually orders a pizza from the Pizza Perv who smelled her hair and photographed her butt. He tells his associates "Don't wait up," certain that he's going to get laid.
Meanwhile, a buddy is on the phone with Hayden, the oldest, trying to convince him to duck out and come to the party. "There will be girls there!" Teenage boys do everything in order to meet or impress girls, got it. The buddy will even come and pick him up. Isn't it like, hours away?
When Pizza Perv knocks on the door, the boys answer. But he will only give the pizzas to Wendy, because she wants his bod. Wendy is actually nice to him, but shuts the door before he can get around to requesting sex.
More after the break
