Solar Opposites Episode 4.9: Skyler Gisondo plays a muscular bat-alien with a human boyfriend, plus Thomas Middleditch penis

 

Solar Opposites is an animated sitcom about a family of sentient slugs that crash-landed on Earth and must look for a way home while adapting to bizarre human customs like gender polarization:  Korvo (Justin Roilland/Dan Stevens), the "man of the house," resistant to assimilation; Terry (Thomas Middleditch), the childcare expert, who eagerly adopts human culture;  Yumyulak (Sean Giambone), the teenage boy, a rebel who hates humans; and a teenage girl and pupa (infant).  

But this is a review of an episode where no one in the family appears except in flashbacks.  I'm including a beefcake photo of Sean Giambone (left) and frontals of Thomas Middleditch (below) anyway. 

Episode 4.9, "Down and Out on Planet X-Non," stars Glenn (Kieran Culkin), the family's snoopy neighbor, who got blasted into space.  He joined the SilverCops Space Force, but they framed him for murder.  He had to flee into the wilderness of an alien planet, fighting monsters and nearly dying many times.  And now his story continues in what seems to be the pilot for a spin-off.

Scene 1: After having an "expositional dream," Glenn awakens in a run-down office, naked.  Zy (Skyler Gisondo, top photo), a muscular being with a bat-head, found him in the wilderness, half-dead.  "What were you doing all alone in the woods?"

"I go there to jerk off," Glenn jokes.  "I got a thing for trees.  Why am I naked?"

"Your clothes were soaked with piss and shit." 

Zy infers that he has a "secred, fucked-up past," so he'll be perfect for their group of multi-species thieves and con-men.  

Glen tries to leave, but outside the door, beings are robbing and killing each other, so he decides to stay.  First queer code; Zy puts his hand on Glenn's shoulder and leaves it there.

Scene 2: The tour.  Most of the group has holograms on their chest, which means "they need extra help." 

"But I don't have a hologram on my chest," Glenn complains.

"I'm sure you have a hologram in your heart."  Awww..getting a little crush on this human, Zy?

Second queer code: Hand on shoulder again.  Third queer code: Again.  Gee, Zy can't keep his hands off Glenn.

Scene 3:  Interview with the group leader, Skeletom, a hippie dude with a glowing green skeleton.  He explains: "This place is for people who don't fit in."  Island of Misfit Toys, huh?  Queer code #3.  "No one else has our backs, so we have to be family to each other."

Scene 4: Glenn, Zy, a cat-being, and a Cthulhu-being on a scam run. Zy explains that the 'Raffs (sentient giraffes) took over and pushed the indigenous population into slums, using SilverCops to break heads:  "They claim they're keeping the peace, but they're racist as hell, and they play the natives against each other."  Cthulhu Lives Matter.  

Uh-oh, their last victim called the SilverCops.  Run!  Hiding in an alley, they discuss how much they hate the Sils.  And Glenn is one!  If they find out, he'll lose their friendship -- or worse.

More after the break

The Binge: Skyler Gisondo's chest, two queer codes, some random naked guys, and a lot of queerbaiting

A review of The Binge (2020) praised the "strong friendship" between the central pair. Strong friendship means gay subtext, right?

So I sat through 20 minutes of a bad 1980s teen nerd comedy until the heteronormativity became overwhelming, then fast-forwarded to places where guys interacted without half-naked girls around.  Strong friendship means gay subtext, right? 

Not so much. Two queer codes, two queerbait characters, and 3,041 exclamations of "girls are the meaning of life!"

The premise: a new Prohibition.  All alcohol and narcotics are banned in the U.S., except one day a year you can have all you want.  This is ridiculous: The logistics of producing and distributing all of that booze would be a nightmare, and narcotics -- usually understood as opiates and opioids -- are very dangerous.  Combine them with booze, and you will die.  And what about the use of opioids as painkillers?  Anyhow, most abused drugs are stimulants like cocaine or hallucinogens like Ecstasy, and have little addiction potential.

The guys: Griffin (Skyler Gisondo. top photo) and Hags (Dexter Darden, right. not what it looks like),  high school seniors, are eligible for their first Binge.  They want to go to a big binge party, because the Girls of Their Dreams will be there, and they can ask them to the prom and then to get married. (To stir things up, Griffin's girl happens to be the daughter of the over-protective Evil Principal).

Most of the movie involves their misadventures in attempting to get there.  Griffin gets his eyebrow shaved off.  They try to resurrect an injured cow, and get squirted with milk (presented as disgusting, although you pour it on your cereal every morning).  There's a ludicrously stupid song-and-dance number that goes on forever and ever.  

The queer codes: The Evil Principal (Vince Vaughn, left), explaining the horrible things that happen to teens who binge, discusses a girl who "found herself on a private plane with twelve Saudi princes, never to be seen again."  Griffin asks Hags if he wants to end up that way: "On a private plane?  Absolutely!", implying that he wouldn't mind being the sex companion for a group of Saudi princes.  But then they begin discussing the Girls of their Dreams.

Near the end of the movie, the guys have broken up.  In a climactic scene, they cross a crowded dance floor to embrace.  That's an "affirming our love" moment.  But then they ask their girls to the prom.

Queerbait #1: They catch a ride with Pompano Mike (Tony Cavalero), who is driving a busload of half-naked girls to the party, but doesn't express any heterosexual desire of his own.

Queerbait #2: Andrew (Eduardo Franco), who acts like a stoner even in the absence of marijuana, doesn't express any heterosexual interest; he tags along on the guys' quest just because he is an outcast at the high school, and wants friends.  Besides, another of Eduardo Franco's characters, Argyle, had a gay-subtext romance with Will Byers in Stranger Things

In a climactic scene, Andrew is arm wrestling with, I think Seb (Esteban Benito).  I was fast forwarding, so I don't know the back story.  He says "I love you!," and Seb responds "I love you. too."  Andrew is elated: "I've been waiting all my life for..."  Psych!  Seb was just trying to distract Andrew so he could win!  That sounds like a gay exchange.

Disillusionment and dicks after the break. Caution: arousal.

Jake Kelley's Hot/Hung Photos, Part 2: Modeling, arm wrestling, and nekkid cowboys

 

Jake Kelley, who played Young Eli, the Maniac K*d, in the Season 2 premiere of The Righteous Gemstones, has several other acting roles listed on the IMDB, including Dogwood and the Secrets that Bind Us.  But he thinks of himself primarily as a model.   

When he was in Los Angeles to model for  UScape Apparel (collegiate sweaters, t-shirts, and such), he took time off for a vacation.

Playing volleyball in Hermosa Beach.

Riding horses in San Luis Obispo.

Nekkid cowboys after the break. Warning: explicit.